I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have fence marks all over my body
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
