My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
