There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
