I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
