why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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