Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My balls are so social today.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
