actually, I'm a sock model
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
