no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
