I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
