so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
