from now on my penis is your penis
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
