If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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