dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
