please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
