i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
