Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
