Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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