Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
