I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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