Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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