this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
