i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
