you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
