dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
cat food counts as protein by the way
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
