The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
