found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
