She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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