just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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