Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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