toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need to calm my uterus...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
