Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Duck Duck Cougar?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
