Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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