we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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