Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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