Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
