i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
