So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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