I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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