Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
