No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
