I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize