At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
