If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
