Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
