So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
