I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
kristin has been a bad kristin
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
