i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
