We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
