i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
