i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
