This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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