He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
