Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
In America we eat man semen.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
