wanna go halves on a baby?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
