My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
