He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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