The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
