You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
