When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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