oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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