His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
