His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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