dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
me + whiskey = a bad person
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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