They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My dick has a subreddit
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
