He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize