What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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