If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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