He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
