you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
