i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
