Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
