Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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