I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
